Sunday, April 29, 2012

Question the Standard Model

Question the Standard Model:
My parents decided to divorce when I was ten.

Although their tenuous relationship was likely irreconcilable on its own accord, the sudden revelation that my father was boffing his secretary probably did not help. Overnight, bags were packed, papers filed, an apartment rented, and I moved some 800 miles away to start the 5th grade. I’m certain my mother didn’t take this decision lightly: she was freshly pregnant with my brother; she was conspicuously religious; she was a devoted mom.

I’m certain none of this was codified in her life plan.

This particular incident wasn’t my father’s first foray into extramarital transgressions either. In my twenties, I’d come to have several awkward conversations with my mother who took great satisfaction in revealing the frequency, suspects, and principal characters of my father’s adventures. She depicted my father as a coinsurer of women, if you will - a chronic philanderer.

My father would likely suggest that aspects of his relationship were intolerable and his dissatisfaction justified his affairs. Surely he didn’t hate my mother but he wasn’t content, either, and he did what he understood what he was supposed to do: he cheated. Unethical infidelity was the standard model, and when I picked up my dad’s bad habits and cheated in my first marriage, it was only too late that I recalled my mother’s revelations and came to realize how much of an impact that model had on my separation and divorce – just a year after my daughter was born.

I often think of the lasting impact my parent’s divorce had on me, and inevitably, the lasting impact of my divorce on my own kid.

Believe me when I say that I don’t wish to excuse my father for his actions. No woman deserves a serial adulterer as a husband; nobody deserves to be lied to or cheated on.  But my father was never exposed to ethical non-monogamy in any of its forms. He didn’t have a working vocabulary, books, websites, support groups, or a community of people. He didn’t have a viable alternative to the standard model.

Being fortunate enough to live in a liberal part of the United States, I’m not openly confronted by bigotry or intolerance concerning my polyamorous lifestyle. Yet, somewhere, there are those who’re convinced that unethical infidelity is a morally-superior approach to conducting relationships and raising a family, and they frequent such websites as AshleyMadison.com, AttachedPeople.com, AffairsClub.com, or Untrue.com. Through creating an account and logging in, these people reaffirm the old model, and go about hurting the world around them.

I’m glad to be polyamorous; I’m glad to belong to Fetlife.com with pictures of naked buxom women suspended from the ceiling; I’m glad to conduct my life in ethical and responsible ways that treats people in my life better than how my father treated my mother.  I’m glad to have had the opportunity to be exposed to an alternative model and to consider the world in a different way.

If ever your life’s choices are questioned; if ever your family criticizes and ridicules; if ever your boss demands an explanation; if anyone at all disses you about your alternative lifestyle, challenge them to illustrate how the standard model produces better outcomes.

s1m0n

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Friday Evening With Belle de Jour

Friday Evening With Belle de Jour:
We're both happy its a weekend at home with little scheduled.



Last evening I stopped on the way home from my conference for some provisions at the local grocery store, while Mistress was collecting our daughter from her not too faraway college campus.



She was home only briefly - disrupting the karma of the empty nest just so long as it took her to gather up some things to head to a friend's house for the evening.



That gave us time for a bike ride on the cool evening, before adjourning to our bedroom for some very civilized kick off the weekend love making, followed by a restful nap.



We drifted back to planet earth around 8 pm, just in time to prepare a quick dinner and watch a movie that had been sitting in its netflix envelope for a few weeks on my dresser: Belle de Jour.



I suspect most of our readers have seem this: a Louis Brunel classic starring a young Katherine Deneauve from 1967.  I was in high school then, so doubt I saw it in the original run, but maybe in college, sometime in the 1968-72 time frame.  Then Molly and I caught it at the theatre during its re-release around 1995.



It was interesting to see in light of this chatter about Shades of Grey, the E L James "mommy porn" that we had fun with here earlier this week.



First, "Belle", a 23 year old frigid newly wed, is about the same age as the virginal Anastasia in Shades of Grey. Both start out sexually inexperienced. But Belle already has her hunky husband. She just seems unable to warm to him, as they sleep in those twin beds you might recall from Ward and June Cleaver's bedroom.



But unlike Ana, who seems never to have considered the subject of sex before falling under the spell of the incredibly rich of a tad sadistic Christian, Belle has some strange fantasies going on underneath. The film starts with this scene, where she imagines her husband turning her over to two gruff coachmen who tie her to a tree limb, whip and then sexually molest her to her unexpected delight.



Ultimately, Belle takes her fantasies to a high end brothel in Paris, where she experiences a variety of clients. One discovers that "she likes it rough". Her clients provide the education and stimulation that her handsome if bland doctor husband does not. But of course she always makes sure to be home by 5 pm to greet her husband as the young innocent when he returns from a long day at the hospital.





Mistress and I saw the movie anew last night, enjoying the Paris street scenes after our recent trip, and the Mad Men with a French twist 60's era costumes and sets. And we noticed in one scene that the lovely Belle was wearing black patent leather shoes similar to those Molly had on in the picture in Thursday's blog.



It's hard to recall what old Mick took from this movie back in my innocent youth, on that all male Catholic campus.  But it certainly didn't discourage me from testing conventional sexual boundaries later in life, did it? 



I suspect that in its own way, the Shades of Grey phenomenon, despite the hackneyed writing and fantastical characters will induce its own legacy of experimentation.



And today, my own lovely "Belle de Jour" will be stopping off at J's house for some afternoon delight of her own.



"I hope you don't mind if it interferes with our usual Saturday afternoon 'activities',  Slave.... it's been a while since I fucked you in the Ass."



"Not at all, Mistress..... I'm sure J has been missing you.... he deserves a matinee."



Of course, nothing prevented me from taking full advantage of Mistress's availability this morning here in the executive suite, which should explain the slight delay in this morning's post.



Bon Jour, all.  Mine has already started out rather "bon".




Two Married Professionals exploring the world of D/s and sharing their adventures.

Study finds unfaithful individuals less likely to practice safer sex than non-monogamous individuals

Study finds unfaithful individuals less likely to practice safer sex than non-monogamous individuals:
A study published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine, entitled “Unfaithful Individuals are Less Likely to Practice Safer Sex Than Openly Nonmonogamous Individuals,” has determined just that. Researchers Terri D. Conley, Amy C. Moors, Ali Ziegler, and Constantina Karathanasis undertook the study in order to determine whether sexually unfaithful individuals or negotiated non-monogamous individuals would be more likely utilize safer sex methods. In their introduction, they state:
Given the prevalence and harm of sexually transmitted infections (STIs), there is a need to examine safer sex strategies in the context of romantic relationships and extradyadic sexual encounters . . . little research has addressed the sexual health ramifications of sexually unfaithful partners and members of other high-risk nonmonogamous lifestyles.
Researchers gave an anonymous, online sexual health questionnaire to several hundred sexually unfaithful individuals and individuals with a negotiated non-monogamous agreement. In the end, sexually unfaithful participants demonstrated significantly lower rates of risk reduction behaviors in both their primary relationships and their extradyadic sexual experiences. They were also less likely to undergo frequent STI testing and to discuss safer sex concerns with new partners.
Unfortunately, access to the study is restricted to those with institutional access, a society membership, or those who wish to pay for a 24-hour period of access, but the abstract can be found online.
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Tuesday, April 24, 2012

NURSELI IDIZ DOMINATION

NURSELI IDIZ DOMINATION:
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Andrea Leilani

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Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Pain

Pain: "Well of course it's going to hurt, Peter, that's kind of the point."


Clarity

Clarity: His new boss wanted to make it very clear the things she expected from him, some of which were of a very personal nature.




Some pictures just get my blood flowing

Some pictures just get my blood flowing: